#need my adhd diagnosed
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Vent post
I need to see a doctor quite badly. But I'm nervous because last time I went to a doctor for my shots for school and about some strange weight gain (2013) my female doctor told me "just stop drinking soda" and wouldn't listen to me when I told her I didn't drink soda. Idk if I have the sanity or energy to go through it again, but I hate being overweight.
I just want to stop thinking.
#venting#dwbi#one of those nights#feeling hopeless and depressed#think i need to see a therapist but idk if i can open up to one#need my adhd diagnosed#but that it would do anything but validate me#need a haircut that i like#need to lose weight#i hate myself#need to dye my hair#no motivation#need to see a doctor#they're just going to tell me to lose weight instead of listening to me seriously#that's what happened last time#even when i was going for unnecessary weight gain#they told me āstop drinking sodaā#I've only gained weight#i just want a different life#my savings has gone back to 300 dollars from 3000 dollars#i want to call out of work but i need money#but i feel like I'm going to burst into tears at any moment#everyone gets worried and it's a mess#i don't want to die#but i do wish i was never born#i wish i didn't have depression#thought about suicide today#thought about the consequences as well#i need to make a separate blog for this so no one sees these posts#is it better or worse for people to not see them
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me: finally accepting theres a good chance im autistic and starting to work up the courage to ask my parents to see if i could get a diagnoses but being scared to
my mom: do you ever think you have adhd? if you want to do a screening for add next time your at the doctors you can
me:
#for context im terrified of being the person who sees stuff online and diagnosis themselves and then is wrong#which is why it took me so long to accept im āprobablyā autistic (bc now i have done research and stuff for it)#and id see adhd things that were relatable but i felt i related more to the autism + self diagnosing both felt weird (for me not in general#but now like. my mom is willing to accept i might have add??#(there was a long talk in between her asking if i ever thought i had it and her saying i could get a screening where we both agreed that#āif i did have itā i didnt have the hyperactive part. hence the add vs adhd thing)#and now that kinda through off my plans because like. what if i do also had adhd. or something#so yeah small crisis woo#i need to actually look i to symptoms and stuff for adhd though#because im not saying anything til i know more about it and if i actually do have a lot of the things#but this also gives me a chance go write about the autism things as well bc i told my mom i would look into the adhd#so now i can hopefully find a way to bring that up#ive mentioned that autism is a spectrum recently which i didnt think she knew before#so progress i guess#wow long rant in the tags whoops#jasperās posts#moots have some jaz lore i guess
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Autistic girls sound off jn the comments
#katniss everdeen#peeta mellark#the hunger games#hunger games#thg#pencil sketch#turns out scanning shit makes it look good. who woulda thunk#anyway does this shit piss anyone else off when ppl point it out like#no im not looking you directly in the eye. whatevers in there is none of my business. we are not married.#and inb4 someone says smth abt adhd and autism solidarity. katniss has BOTH peeta has NEITHER#and im going to need compelling textual evidence to believe otherwise.#peetas just got depression and anger issues#anyone else you want me to diagnose?? guess who has bpd. ill give you a hint. its also katniss#they both have ptsd obv that goes w/o saying but ill say it just so no one comes for me
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I am beginning to suspect that my success in communicating with the socially awkward, highly skilled, specialist technology team members is not just down to "having lots of experience talking to my dad"
#You need something from a guy#And the team go#āah Colin can be a bit tricky sometimesā#And then I go and have a simple and straightforward conversation with Colin#!?!#And I go#It was exactly like asking my dad for help!#Which I have YEARS of experience in#Why is my dad socially awkward?#Why are details about this One Thing a basis of communication?#Why do I get good results with people 'like my dad' where others struggle?#Hmmmm#anyhooo#The most normal of the siblings just got diagnosed#With the adhd and the autism#And I look at her and go#Gurl YOU are the normal one#... My suspicion grows
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"just be yourself" has always been one of my most hated things to hear from someone. it may sound simple and easy to you, but when you grew up never able formed a single solid personality (because you grew up autistic or for some other reason) and/or have always felt more like 20 different personalities in a trench coat who fight over who is supposed to be in charge, that "simple" advice is so much less simple.....it can even seem impossible.
#autistic#autism things#autism#actually autistic#neurodivergent#adhd#audhd#dissociative disorder#dissociative identity disorder#did#osdd#not sure what all to tag#disclaimer. not formally diagnosed with did/osdd but currently being evaluated for it because therapist says#i have āconcerning levels of dissociationā and feels its negatively impacting my life and these little freaks in my head need controlled#well she didnt say that last part but there needs to be some order in here#anyway. WHO AM I. WHO IS LEE. IS LEE A REAL PERSON. WHO IS THIS SELF YOU SPEAK OF AND HOW DO I BE THAT. IDK.#lee rambles#big imposter syndrome when considering a dissociative brain thing. been super exhausting working on it with therapist. is that normal?
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reblog if u think tommy kinard is autistic
#i just saw there is only like post with autistic tommy tag#A CRIME#my autistic brother tommy#my adhd king buck#i need them to get their diagnoses#autistic tommy kinard#bucktommy#911 abc#tommy kinard#evan buckley
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Kind reminder
It's not your job to tell people how to identify.
Many, many mental health disorders are lifelong, they never go away, but symptom management is possible!
If someone reaches a point that they are choosing to no longer identify with their disorder, or feel that it no longer fits them, or simply choose not to transfer their medical records to a new doctor (hi) because they feel they no longer need access to resources at that time, or if they never had a diagnosis to begin with...
That's none of your business.
You can't force the label on them, or force them to keep it. Yelling about how they still have a disorder isn't helping anyone-- not yourself, not them, not the people still working on themselves watching this happen.
You can't force diagnosis, treatment, or ideals on people. There are many reasons that someone might choose to drop a label or diagnosis, and it's none of your business why or how.
Learn to respect personal autonomy and self-determination in mental health care.
You're not just telling them they have a disorder, you're also telling them that they're struggling, even if they're not.
And that's just not for you to decide.
#i haven't used my adhd or tourettes diagnosis since i was 8#i have them but i wouldn't say I'm struggling#i can choose to say that i am no longer in need of those and that i probably wouldn't be re-diagnosed#adhd is also lifelong#you can't force me to say i have it though or force me to keep the diagnosis#it's just not an issue for me and people are allowed to say that about any disorder#cdd system#did#osdd#osddid#plural#plurality#system safe#anti endo#pro endo#mental health
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what is it with doctors/psychologists and being like yeah you have this thing but itās not harming you so i wonāt diagnose you?? š literally what my doctor said to me about autism like cool it didnāt effect me when i was 16 but it sure as hell does now in 26 ???
it's literally so stupid lmao like they're so afraid of setting a wrong diagnosis they just won't diagnose people at all unless they deem it absolutely debilitating
i've had the same thing happen with autism several times but i'm not too fussed about that one cause like whatever who cares i can't do much about that anyway, whereas with adhd i need a diagnosis if i want to try any meds. i did the raads-r again recently and my psych was like yeah you're probably autistic but lets ignore that and focus on the adhd because i don't think they're gonna let you get diagnosed with both lol
#she's an adhd specialist so she can set the adhd diagnosis on her own#but generally they need a consensus among everyone which is so.... like i get it sort of but also oh my fucking god why are u voting .#why can people object my diagnoses this is stupid š#answered
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The way I have not written a single word for like a month it feels like I have been busier in the last two weeks than I have been in the last four years of my life and will continue to be busy for the next two weeks I got one day between a four day family trip and a sib visit gotta sew a monkey during the trip and if monkie kid drops in that time I will simply combust
#knox rambles#ill definitely be offline for a bit WHEEZE#To be clear im having a good time overwhelmed but in a good way?#reconnected with someone i havent been able to get in contact with for like four years and hangout at their house twice before heading#straight to bake cookies after baking cinnamon rolls that morning--#my brian is scattered but this is good new experiences good folks good for the brain#sniffs i need to ahem ahem write ive been thinking about wobbly hearts nonstop and havent been able to write a single word wheezing#unsure if thats from being busy or being in a block#YEAH HI IM RAMBLING BUT IM NOT DEAD AND IMA BE OFFLINE FOR A BIT LONGER#eyeing up an ipad still for drawin#sewing and reading a book my reconnected-with cousin lent me#I FORGOT TO CUT MY HAIRJDJDJDNG#I MEANT TO DO THAT TODAY SHOOT#.#welp i am functioning sort of mostly#i swear#i made a phonecall today#i even made a sandwich#yes it was after opening every cupboard and fridge door eight times throughout the day and only made it bc my bro was making one BUT STILL#and yes i spent five hours procrastinating just putting stuff in my bag that i already had folded but its FIIIIIINNEEEEE#im functional and my best friend definitely did not call me today just to tell me to book an appointment to ask for an adhd diagnoses noooo#almost forgot to hit post cause i got distracted watching wander over yonder heyyyyyyyyyyy#ANYWAY LEAVING FIRST THING TOMOROW GN
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#can we not do this to eachother :/#Iām so careful to use caveats like I Believe In My Opinion Thatās Just How I See It Iām Not All Knowing Butā¦etcā¦ very subjective :)#autistic thoughts#audhd problems#autistic borderline#adhd autistic#actually autistic#autistic trauma#autistic community#neurodivergent community#disability solidarity#autistic support needs#functioning labels#neurological disability#invisible disability#comorbid conditions#comorbidities#pro self diagnosis#self diagnosis is valid#late diagnosed autistic#autistic adult#autism in girls#autistic system#autistic memes#autistic vent#rants & reflections#mental health education#autistic things#autistic experiences#autistic culture
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i think this was funnier in my head.
#puppy draws#yo-kai watch#katie forester#jibanyan#whisper#whisper ykw#usapyon#hailey anne thomas#as a diagnosed autistic person i can confirm that the autism evaluation results#just being a picture of the autism creature with text saying you have the tism is accurate#i don't even remember how this idea came to me i think i was just overly tired this morning and then this happened#also ignore the fact that i refuse to accept nate as being canon protagonist katie is like way better sorry besties <3#that's like 80% a joke. every main yo-kai watch character is my blorbo and nate is included in that#i just also prefer katie. playing 3 and rewatching the anime + reading the manga did endear me to nate more though#i like how he's average but also totally bisexual. no i will not elaborate#why do my tags always get so derailed. uhhhh back to autism. hailey is so fucking autistic ngl#there's like at least five different instances in 3 of her just completely failing to read the room#she's totally hyperfixated on sailor cuties and next harmeowny#she has adhd vibes too i think but. the tism is very strong#i can't decide my favorite part of this between the āyippee!! you have the tismā image and jibanyan asking what autism is#he doesn't know because he has autism by default through being a cat he didn't need a diagnosis#i feel like all of them are autistic tbh but that's probably just me projecting. i totally gave katie autism in the rewrite though#i wasn't even trying to i just don't know what neurotypicals are like because i got that autistic rizz. and adhd rizz. mostly the adhd#i am definitely also autistic but i think my adhd effects me a lot more in day-to-day life#since i usually just interact with my moms who know i'm autistic and are also both neurodivergent#and people online. most of who are autistic because it's mostly on tumblr and this is the autism website#yo-kai watch more like yo-gay watchtism amirite-#oh also very amused by hailey just poofing into existence in the second picture. as you do
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me as a kid: i have all these problems
every adult around me: you're not old enough to know what's wrong with you, you're fine
me as an adult: i still have all these problems
my doctors after i finally got the opportunity to choose them myself: oh my fucking god why have you never gotten help for all these problems. you should have seen me 10 years ago
#problems i have finally gotten help for that i was told i was not old enough to know about:#AMPS (was told it was anxiety and then when i kept coming back they said it was fibro Quite Literally just to get me to shut up)#(like the doc i just saw literally said 'they diagnose fibromyalgia here when they dont know what the problem is but dont feel like testing)#multiple food allergies (was also told the stomach pain and vomiting was anxiety)#seborrheic dermatitis (i was told 'youre just stressed thats why you have a rash')#(which- if im so stressed my skin is literally dying MAYBE I STILL NEED HELP?????????)#autism and adhd (my father knew! but refused to get me assessed bc if i dont have a diagnosis theres no problem right :)#anxiety disorder (oh so when I'm in pain i DO have anxiety but when i say i have anxiety I'm overreacting okay)#dyscalculia and possibly dyslexia ('you just need to try harder' I've asked for a tutor five times)#some of my doctors don't actually believe me about some of these problems BECAUSE i have no records from when i was a kid#they're like 'it just popped up at 18? seems suspicious......' like I WASN'T ALLOWED TO GO TO THE DOCTOR'S UNTIL THEN#there's definitely more but I'm still mad abt it#i might not be in a wheelchair Almost All The Time if i had gotten help BEFORE i lost half the feeling in my legs#i KNEW the fibro was a BS diagnosis#i tried to get assessed for autism at 16 and was told i have schizotypal personality disorder instead with literally zero testing#like my psych just refused to allow me to get tested for autism she was like 'no you have spd i Just Know'#same psych that said there was zero way i had anything like DID because my symptoms didn't present Exactly like the Only other#patient at the clinic with DID. i want to note that that was a 14 year old boy still being actively abused#and i was a 20 year old who was in a safe environment and had distanced myself from my abusers and stressors
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there are some days when i'm like "hey be nicer to the kids they're just being kids" and some days when i'm like "okay yeah you know what the kids are fucking dumb about this get their asses" and then there are some days like today where i'm just FUCK THEM KIDS and have a visceral need to punt a teenager across the room.
but i don't. but boy do i fucking want to
#moki talks#my teenage employee is driving me fucking BONKERS today#boy needs to go work a fucking mcdonalds for a few weeks and humble his damn self like the rest of us did#arrogant little prick#but also he's so incredibly talented and craaaaazy smart#but also#needs to go get his adhd diagnosed and take some fucking adderall lord have mercy#mad respect to every teacher out there who handles teenagers i'd have already strangled a few i think#little kids are fine its the teens that get under my skin#like. FUCK. i was a shitty teen sometimes but at least at my job i knew when to shut the fuck up#anyway. deeeeep breaths#woooosah
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took 10mg of methylphenidate today for the first time (as my psychiatrist recommended) and immediately:
-went to the shop and got everything I needed without forgetting anything or getting derailed
-watched half hour of a video essay without playing a game in the background
-read a chapter and a half of a book
-wrote 1k words on my WIP
All of this while still being in burnout, mind you. You're telling me it could have been like this all this time?! What the actual fuck-
#personal#ADHD#I'm also astonished methylphenidate actually works on me#cause it doesnt work for almost anyone i know with adhd#or like it makes them calmer and that's it#but i can actually focus now? like what the fuck...#still havent managed to hyper focus though#but maybe i need proper conditions in addition to meds#anyway i am so angry i only got diagnosed now and not years ago#how could every fucking psychiatrist before my current one not notice this
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They weren't lying, this psychological recovery journey got hands
#3rd month of taking antidepressants and knowing that There Is something majorly fucked up within me#i feel like im becoming normal bit by bit but also now my other problems become my aparent to me#i started to notice i have this childlike simplistic attitude towards wonder and relationships but also at the same time i understand the#severity of troubles around me on the level of burned out adult#but also it takes me from a week to several years to realize what people meant#and yet sometimes i get everything clearly#there are still ways to go#i still have to find a therapist#cuz psych diagnosed me with BPD; geberal anxiety disorder and ADHD and said i have autism signs that could explain the development of BPD#but all he can do is medical treatment which is not the kind you need for BPD and autism#im not saying you can treat autism but yeah he meant i need a psychotherapist for these instead of psychiatrist#i hope i can complete this mental health journey bcuz i feel like i finally got hit with all the weight of burnout i had all these years#i did some creative work in the august/early september but rn its all touching grass in real world and playing games#like i cook i help my family with chores i play fortnite i clean up my room i go out at 1am to look at the stars#all of my own volition without feeling like i need to push myself to do this#I'm scared that making art is not one of those things#i often have a thought that maybe art isnt really for me and in a perfect world i wouldnt do it#but then why am i so good at it#like...#petrotalk
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back to self-analyzing what the fucks going on in my brainium
#txt#i need to go back to a therapist methinks#cuz why am i only now reading about OSDD-1a#bc errrmmmmmmm.........................#i know C-PTSD is very comorbid with dissociative disorders#but like given things ive experienced and struggled with its always felt like there's something More going on idk#idk it's like...i can see OSDD CPTSD or even...BPD i guess#but its just like i dont feel like ONE of those fits me its like i relate to a bit of all three#mostly so CPTSD but thats bc DUH I HAVE CPTSD#my lifes been trauma after trauma there's definitely not simply ONE traumatic event that's defined me#also wondering in another area if it's just adhd autism overlap#or maybe i AM autistic afterall just VERY VERY good at masking it or compensating for it#or if i have the same subcategory of Bipolar a former friend had that commonly gets misdiagnosed as the former two#which is likely bc all my blood relatives have gotten diagnosed with a form of bipolar and im not joking#idk man i just wish i knew wtf is wrong with me and how to like...do something about it but like actually#and not just focus on the depression or anxiety because that's CLEARLY NOT HELPING#yes im depressed and severely anxious but dont u think they might have a ROOT CAUSE#i'm definitely convinced and have been for years that they stem from something else#deeper and more of an issue than anyone trying to study wtfs wrong w me has figured out including me
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